


The Courtship of Lady Lilie

by orphan_account



Series: Enchanted Worlds [19]
Category: Princess Tutu
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lilie receives a surprising invitation from an unusual individual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courtship of Lady Lilie

Quiet hung over the streets of Derkholm like morning mist. It was still what could be called early morning; or early enough, at least, that the two bleary-eyed girls stumbling through the streets thought anyone who was willingly up for a reason that didn't involve a job was altogether lacking in sense. After all, if it weren't for extenuating circumstances, they themselves would be safely back in their warm beds, sleeping comfortably away until a _proper_ hour arrived. As it was, however, they had been forced out of bed by clearly diabolical adults, and, faced with an activity they loathed, had chosen the lesser of two evils and fled into town while said adults were occupied.

"I can't _believe_ they think we'd want to get up this early…" Pike yawned. "And for _cricket,_ of all things…" She'd _thought_ it was odd when her parents had agreed so easily to bringing Lilie along to the family reunion, and now she saw why: her friend was needed to be another player in the family cricket game. Well! That had certainly backfired, because now she was depriving them of _two_ players! See what they thought about _that!_ She was sure to catch it when they got back, of course, but she rather thought it worth it to be spared the torture of being made to play cricket, especially at this hour. It wasn't that she hated sports, just that she found that one especially grating.

"I know! Truly, an instrument of torture!" And not one Lilie particularly wanted to experience for herself, judging by the look on her face. "Still, it might have been a worthy distraction… unless you think this will be even better?"

"Distraction?" Pike blinked sleepily at her. "Distraction from what?"

"From…" Lilie stared at her, trying to read her expression. "Why, Pike… you mean… you're not in mourning? You're not utterly heartbroken? I don't need to comfort you?" Disappointment flared up in her. "Or… are you trying to pretend like you don't know and it doesn't affect you? How brave!" She clasped her hands together, her eyes shining as though there were real tears in them. Pike knew better from experience, however.

"What are you talking about? Heartbroken over what?" Pike frowned. "Lilie, I really haven't got the faintest idea…"

"Oh my! So brave! Yet so dishonest!" Lilie pretended to wipe at her eyes and sniffed. "My dearest Pike, you are an example to us all…"

"Lilie!" Pike stamped her foot on the cobblestones in frustration. " _Use your words!_ I don't know what you're talking about!"

"… What?" It was Lilie's turn to blink rapidly in confusion. "You mean… you really _don't_ know! Oh, my dear Pike, how woefully uninformed you are! This obviously cannot stand!" Her eyes gleamed triumphantly. "Since you are my best friend, Pike, it seems only right that the _dreadful_ task of informing you of the latest rumor falls to me. You see, the current gossip tells me… that Fakir has finally found himself a girlfriend." She flung her arms wide. "And now that you have the terrible news, allow me to embrace you and comfort you!"

"No!" Pike yelped. She dodged at the last second, neatly sidestepping Lilie's attempted hug. Seeing the hurt look on her face, she quickly added, "I like _breathing,_ thank you. You always nearly squeeze the life out of me."

"Hmph." Lilie folded her arms and looked away with a disgruntled expression on her face. "The thanks I get for making sure you're all caught up on current events… so _ungrateful_ …"

Pike rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You're just mad I didn't let you…" She trailed off, her eyes going wide as what Lilie had told her finally registered. "Wait… wait a minute… did you say… is - is it true?"

"Well, I haven't verified it myself _personally,_ of course." Lilie twirled some of her fluffy blonde hair around her finger. "But I have it on fairly good authority that he's been seen in the company of a girl lately around the castle and in town - "

Pike snorted. "That's nothing new! We've been seeing him with that new girl for the past several months, you know that." She allowed herself a small sigh of relief.

"Oh, but I'm not done yet!" Lilie clapped her hands together. "Not only has he been in her company, but they've been rather gooey and lovey-dovey over each other, or so the story goes. Smiling and laughing, holding hands, and even…" Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "Even _kissing_."

"Even… kissing?" Pike's heart sank. "How… how good an authority do you have this on?"

" _Oh?_ So I was right, and your fragile maiden's heart was intact only because you didn't know?" Lilie's eyes sparkled. "I knew it! But, if you really don't want comforting…"

"No! I want answers!"Pike stamped her foot again. "I need to know if this is really true or not! Who's the girl he's supposedly with?"

"Well… I heard she was very short, with red hair… sounds a lot like the girl we tried to interrogate, doesn't it?"

"Yes… it does." Her hands clenched into fists. "Why… that little… she must have been lying to us, don't you think?"

"Hmmm… I don't know." Lilie tapped the side of her cheek with one finger. "I didn't sense any deception being practiced that day… but then again, she might have been lying to herself as well, and unaware of _his_ true feelings. Something must have changed since then."

" _Obviously_." Pike snorted again, to cover up the distress she was feeling. "But still, we… we don't know for sure. We'll have to investigate on our own somehow… we have to watch him on Wednesdays again, and Sundays… there has to be a way to sniff out the truth."

"Oh my!" Before Pike could evade her again, Lilie had grasped her face firmly in both hands. "How brave, how noble of you! To soldier through the pain and be determined to seek the truth no matter the cost, even at the risk of a broken heart… you really _are_ an inspiration, Pike! Your feelings must be truly strong for you to cling to them with such determination even in the face of _doom!_ "

"Mmrph…" Pike fought Lilie off and backed away, rubbing her cheeks. "You're… _way_ too enthusiastic sometimes, Lilie… geez…"

"I can't help it." Lilie heaved a dramatic sigh. "Such is the life of a passionate young maiden…"

"Right." Pike rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's go find an open shop. I really do need a distraction now."

It was the rumors, however, that were a distraction as they continued down the street. Could it really be true? Pike's mind whirled and rebelled. She couldn't deny having suspected something was going on between those two, but that didn't make this any less of a nasty shock. There was always the possibility, of course, of the tale being an exaggeration or misunderstanding, but if she was honest with herself Pike had to admit that the possibility was extremely slim. She could cling to hope, however, and she fully intended to personally confirm the truth of it before resigning herself to the reality of Fakir's new love life and making plans for how to disrupt it before it could become too serious. The question that remained, though, was _how_ to go about investigating it. It was tempting to run all the way back to Gold Crown and start poking around right then and there, but today was Saturday, he and those two girls almost never showed up in town on Saturday. No, what she really needed was a way into the castle to spy on them while they went about their business. But once again: how?

As luck would have it, a method for getting into Chrestomanci Castle awaited them, quite unaware, as they turned a corner. A young man with violet hair and expensive clothes in eye-searing shades of red and yellow was sighing heavily as he inspected his reflection in a shop window, and turned when he heard their footsteps. His eyes widened as he took them in, and then he rushed over to greet them. "Bonjour, mademoiselles! Forgive me for not seeing you before, and let me assure you that you are twice as radiant as the morning sun!"

"Ah…" Pike and Lilie exchanged confused glances. He wasn't bad-looking at all, but something about his manner had set off their weirdo senses right away. "That's fine, no harm done. And uh, a good morning to you too… sir?" Pike tried.

"Non non!" He waggled his finger at them. "That will not do! As touching as your respect for me is, fair maidens such as yourselves deserve to know my true name, and bask in its glory when you address me!" He pulled a single red rose out of a pocket somewhere on his person, and struck a pose with it, coincidentally - or perhaps not - where some sun broke through the clouds and shone like a spotlight on the street. "Behold! I am Femio!"

"Nice to, um, meet you, Femio." Pike felt rather dazed. "I - I'm Pike."

"And I'm Lilie." She eyed him as if sizing him up for something. What, Pike didn't want to know.

"Exquisite names for exquisite ladies." Femio produced another rose, and offered them up to both girls. They gingerly took them, and he bowed. "And so it must be that the heavens are on my side, for your presence has presented a solution to a great problem that has been vexing me. Magnifique!"

Pike didn't like the sound of that. In the books she'd read that usually meant that something rather nefarious was being plotted by the speaker. "And uh… what problem would that be?"

"It is like this, you see." Femio laid the back of his hand against his forehead and let out a long-suffering sigh. "My family is friends with another family here in town, and their son is soon to be married, which means that I will have to attend the wedding… and how shameful if I were to not bring at least one beautiful woman along with me to such a prestigious event! How could I, Femio, deprive someone of this honor? So you see, mon cherie, you two have saved me from perpetuating such a sin!"

"Uh…" Pike glanced at Lilie. "Well… that's…" Suddenly, the family cricket game was looking appealing. Or at least preferable to this.

"And what would the people at the castle think of me if I were to show up in such a state?" he wailed. "I have caused them enough trouble without entering their home as a sinner once again?

"… Castle?" Pike and Lilie exchanged glances, their eyes alight with the same thought. "What castle?"

"Chrestomanci Castle, of course!" Femio sniffed and wiped at his eyes. "That is where the wedding is taking place, in a mere matter of weeks. I have already shamed myself there once, I must make amends by reentering it in a more proper fashion. Therefore!" He pointed dramatically at them. "I propose that you accompany me to this most grand of social events!"

"Both of us?" Pike raised an eyebrow. "You're asking both of us to go with you to this thing?"

"Two dates?" Lilie gasped and clasped her hands to her cheeks. "How greedy! How unseemly!"

"I…" Femio faltered. "Is it true? Am I sinning even now?"

"Well - I mean - I guess I don't blame you for being indecisive - " Pike began, but Femio had already stopped listening.

"Oh! Even when I attempt to rectify my errors and live virtuously, I cannot seem to stop sinning!" Femio let out an anguished wail. "Is this truly to be my fate? Am I ever to sin and sin and sin again without being able to stop myself? Oh, will someone not tell me what to do? How can I change and be less wretched? I must figure out the answer!"

"It's… not a big deal." Pike looked at Lilie, and saw that she was equally bewildered. "We can choose _for_ you, if you want…"

"Heavens, I beseech you!" Femio moved to stand in the "spotlight" of sunshine once more. "Deliver your punishment onto this sinner!"

"I - whoa!" Pike and Lilie gasped and dodged out of the way as a bull appeared out of nowhere to trample Femio where he stood. It vanished as it ran past them, but whatever pain it had caused Femio seemed real enough, as he lay groaning on the ground for a few moments before picking himself up.

"Forgive me, mon amour… that you had to see such a display." Femio wiped his brow. "Let me assure you, the bull was not real… but the sensation of punishment is, enough to satisfy me when I have been sinning."

Lilie's eyes gleamed. "Oh, _is_ it now?"

Pike rolled her eyes. "Right. Anyway, as I was saying… you don't have to be so dramatic about all this, we can choose for you which one of us to take as your date. In fact, I - "

"- have a family function scheduled for the day of the wedding, which of course we've heard all about, it's all anyone talks about here in town," Lilie cooed. "I, however, am free, and would be more than happy to accompany you."

"What?" Pike was aghast. "Lilie, what are you _talking_ about?"

"Oh, you know…" Lilie waved her hand. "That family gathering of yours. It's the same day, remember? I was complaining about how I'd be so bored without you that day and you were complaining that you were going to be bored too so I shouldn't complain so much and we argued for two hours about it and then made up in a heartfelt scene full of tears…"

"I have no - " Pike stopped herself before she could finish the sentence, as she'd caught sight of the look on Femio's face. She could tell that if she pushed this in front of him it would look as though they were fighting over him, and as confused and annoyed as she was by Lilie's sudden, bizarre lie she didn't want that idea taking root in his brain. "Ah… excuse us for a moment, Femio, but my friend and I need to discuss this matter privately, as, ah… there were personal matters discussed that day that we shouldn't talk about in front of anyone else."

"Of course, of course." Femio bowed. Obviously the lie had sailed right over his head. "Take your time, mon cherie."

Pike grabbed Lilie's arm and dragged her out of earshot of Femio. "What do you think you're doing?" she hissed once she was sure he couldn't hear them. "Obviously, one of us has to go with him so we can spy on Fakir, but it ought to be me, what are you thinking? I'm the one who's better at it!"

"Oh, Pike, I don't think so." Lilie smiled and shook her head. "Maybe in other circumstances, yes, but in _this_ particular instance even you should be able to see that _I_ am the one best suited for this mission. If we're talking about espionage and carrying out the deception of being on a date with another man, clearly the one to choose is _me_."

"Oh?" Pike folded her arms. "And how, pray tell, do you figure that?"

"It's simple." Lilie's eyes sparkled. "You, with your personality being what it is, would quickly lose your patience with Femio here and be unable to keep up the act. I, on the other hand, would be able to pretend without much effort, as I do find him delightfully entertaining. I would genuinely enjoy getting to punish him, you know me, and that would make things look ever so real and not suspicious at all. So you see, Pike, I am the only choice!"

"Really?" Pike leaned in. "Because I'm feeling pretty darn suspicious right now. Are you giving up on Fakir and wanting to really date this weirdo here? If that's the case, then I'm the better choice, as I'll be able to focus on getting information, and not on being lovey-dovey with this freak!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Lilie huffed. "We'll still battle over Fakir on schedule, don't you worry your pretty little head… Femio is just a toy to me, where he'd be an irritation to you, and thus the perfect cover. I can use him as I will for amusement while also spying. What could go wrong?"

"A lot, probably." Pike sighed. "You do have a point though, I wouldn't exactly enjoy hanging around this guy very long. But still… I wanted to personally spy on those two…"

"Don't worry." Lilie patted her arm. "I'll find the truth, I promise. Femio is just a means to that end."

"And the ends justify the means." Pike gave a considering look to the waiting Femio. "All right. You're his date. Let's go tell him the good news."

They marched back over to Femio, who looked hopeful at their return. "Have you decided, then? Which of you fair maidens is to be my date?"

"Yes." Pike nodded. "It's - "

"It's me!" Lilie burst out. "Never fear, Femio, for you will be dating the lovely Lilie and shall not sin… in _this_ instance, at least…"

"Tres bien!" Femio clapped his hands together. "It is set, then! I will strive to show you the best of times, as one such as you truly deserves!" He looked over at Pike, who was trying not to let the mix of disappointment and relief she felt show on her face. "I must beg your forgiveness, mademoiselle, for not being able to give you your due as well. Perhaps next time?"

"Yeah, maybe." Pike shrugged. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine, I'm busy that day anyway." She plastered a sickly-sweet smile on her face. "I'm just happy my best friend in the whole world will be enjoying herself that day… promise me you'll both think of me and have fun on my behalf?"

"Of course, of course." Lilie nodded. "Don't fret, Pike dear, I will have you in mind at all times!"

"Good, because I would see it as such a _betrayal_ if you were to break your _promise_." Her eyes glinted menacingly. "I'm glad I can trust you, Lilie _dear_."

"Naturally, naturally." Lilie nodded again.

"And of course, mademoiselle, you can trust me as well!" Femio was posing in the sunlight again. "I would not dream of sinning in such a manner, not if I can help it!"

"Yes, well…" Lilie looped her arm through Femio's, her eyes gleaming again. "Why don't you show us around town - for we are but tourists - and tell me more about the ways in which you _do_ sin? So that I can better know my date before the big event, of course." She batted her eyelashes at him, and saw Pike roll her eyes again.

"Certainly!" Femio started off, and Pike trailed behind them. "First of all, I…"

Pike only half listened as they went along. It wasn't exactly what she wanted, but at least this fop would be a way for her to sniff out the truth about Fakir and that girl, assuming Lilie's words could be trusted. Though, even if she _did_ become too distracted by Femio, she would at least be able to bring back _some_ information, if nothing else.

She just hoped it would be enough.


End file.
